"Trowa's Secret"

Pairings: 1+3

Warnings: Yaoi;Langauage,death fic

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, you can try to sue me, but all you'll get is a cat with a half mask like Trowa (But, her name is Duo...)

Comments: It's from Trowa's POV and the story is about a little secret that he's been hiding from Heero...I hope you enjoy.

Rating: NC 17

Trowa's Secret

Part 13

"It's a good thing you got him here when you did. . ." I looked up to see a blonde haired woman. I knew her only as Wendy. That's all the name she would give anyone. She was probably one of the nicest doctors on campus.

"What happened?" Heero questioned, apparently unaware of the fact that I was awake now.

"It was a mild heart attack. He should be fine though, with some rest of course." Heero looked down at me.

I could feel the regret that he was going through. Now he wished that he had listened to me.

"Then I can go." I sat up in bed and stared at Wendy.

"Actually, I'd prefer that you stay a little longer. . .just until tomorrow."

"But you just said I was fine."

"Yes, for now. Heart attacks aren't something to play with, even if they're mild ones." I was going to continue to argue when Heero took my hand in his. The look he gave me told me to relax, as he stood up and walked over to Wendy. He pulled her into the hall and the two of them shared a few lower words. I tried to hear what they were saying, but they were too far away and talking too low. I would have tried reading their lips, but Heero had conveniently placed his back to me. Wendy was standing directly in front of him, so I couldn't even see her.

When they finished, Heero returned to me and informed me that I was free to go. I only stared at him, wondering what he had said to her. I didn't speak as I dressed and left the clinic. The walk to my dorm was in silence. It was the first time that it was uncomfortable. I didn't feel like talking to him, I didn't even look at him.

"Why are you pissed at me?" He asked suddenly and I stopped to face him.

"You regret it. . .don't you?" I didn't need to explain what, he already knew.

"I regret that this happened to you, but I don't regret what we've done."

"If you knew then what you know now, would you still have done it?" He was quiet a moment. His silence was enough of an answer for me.

"I hate seeing you in pain."

"Then you regret it." I turned and continued walking.

"Trowa." He caught up to me and stopped me from going any further. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what Heero? For making love to me? Or for the heart attack?" I could feel the pain in my chest resurrecting. The hurt look in those deep colbat eyes only made it worse.

"Sex is expendable."

"No, it's not. Not for me. Only when I was making love to you that I felt whole. It was the only time in my life that I felt like a person. . .not a weapon. . .not a sex toy. . .not an experiment. You've had to have felt it Heero."

"I did. I felt the same exact thing, which is why I don't want to lose you just yet. We only just found each other. I know you're going to die. I think about it every day and it scares the hell out of me. You're everything to me, and I don't want to lose you any sooner than I already have to." I should have already realized that. Shame washed over me and I found that I could no longer look him in the eye.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He pulled me into his arms. "Don't ever be sorry Trowa. You didn't ask for any of this. It's not your fault." It's not my fault. . .it was something I've never heard before. It's when Heero said this that I realized how many times I've said that I was sorry for being sick. . . .and it wasn't my fault. Deep down, I've been blaming myself for everything. . .being raped. . .getting infected. . .just everything. As I thought of this, I couldn't help but laugh aloud.

"Are you my therapist now?" I asked and pulled from him. He only smirked at the comment. Believe it, or not, Heero Yuy was a physiology major. I'm not exactly sure why he choose that field, but he did. I guess it comes from his desire to understand everything that he didn't. . .and the biggest mystery to him was himself. For as long as he could remember, he's been so fucked up emotionally that even he didn't know what he was feeling half the time. Now, after two years of study, he has a better understandment of himself. He's also been trying to help me with my emotions, but in more settle ways. . .such as just now, when he told me that it wasn't my fault.

"We should get back to your room. . .you need to rest." I nodded and we started walking again. I'm not sure why, but I looked down at my hands. I noticed that my wrists were bruised. More likely than not, from where Heero had pinned me to the bed. . .but when he had grabbed me, it wasn't all that hard. I lightly ran my index finger over the purplish mark. It was starting. The same thing happened to everyone before me. Right before each of them were admitted permanently in the clinic, bruises appeared on their bodies. . .sometimes for no reason. "I did that to you?" He asked suddenly and I shook my head 'no.'

"You didn't hurt me. . .my body's getting weaker." I didn't want him to blame himself. A light snow started to fall as we approached my dorm house. Wu Fei had returned to the room some time while we were at the clinic. He was gathering the materials that he needed for his first class, when we walked in.

"Hey, where have you two been?" He questioned playfully. His tone hinted that we were off doing something bad.

"At the clinic." His brow furrowed as he set his bag on his bed. Heero took my coat and hung it on the rack next to his.

"What happened?"

"A mild heart attack." I tried to sound as if it was more simple than that as I walked over to my bed and sat down. Heero took a spot next to me, and Wu Fei slumped to his bed. I seen something flash across his features. "What's wrong?"

"I have reason to believe that Helix has upped your cc of medication in the last couple of treatments. Though I don't have any solid proof, it would explain why you've been sick practically every day in the pass two weeks." It made sense. Helix probably wants to make me sick enough so that he could admit me. I was the only one in the final phase, and I've already lived longer than his pervious patients. He wants me to live at the clinic instead of my dorm room so that he could keep constant tabs on me as well as run as many tests as he wanted.

"What leads you to suspect this?" Heero wondered concernly.

"Rogers and Tasha were talking. They came across the subject of the treatments, and Rogers mentioned something about it." Melvin Rogers was Dr. Helix's assistant.

"Isn't that proof enough?"

"Melvin has a crush on Tasha. He would probably say anything to impress her. . .even if it wasn't true." I explained in hopes of easing his worry.

"But it's still worth looking into. Something had to lead him to say something like that." Wu Fei stood up and grabbed his bag. "I'll let you know later. I have an appointment with Helix this afternoon. Until I do find out, start showing up about five minutes late to your treatments. That way, I'll have time to make sure the cc is right."

"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered to Heero once Wu Fei left the room. "If it's true, then he'll find out and take care of it. I want to leave it at that." He laid back on the bed, and pulled me to lay next to him.
"I wasn't going to say anything about that. I was just going to remind you that you need to rest." I relaxed against his chest and closed my eyes, but I couldn't sleep. I wasn't tired. I laid still for a few minutes, hoping that sleepiness would over come me, but it didn't. I aimlessly ran my hand down Heero's stomach and up his tee shirt. I tenderly outlined each muscle of his abs.

"Weren't you going to tell me something about Wu Fei and why he had condoms?" Heero asked suddenly. I had completely forgotten about that until he just mentioned it. Damn. I can hardly remember anything any more.

"You know how Duo and Wu Fei act like they hate each others' guts every time we see them together?" Heero nodded and sat up straight. "Well, let's just say that it's all a front."

"Why's that?"

"I caught them one time. Wu Fei wasn't wearing anything aside from a thong, a dog collar and chains. I don't even know how to describe what Duo was wearing. . .but he had a whip in his hand." I could tell that he was trying to just imagine the scene that I related.

"You can't be serious. . ." I nodded my assurance.

"I'll give Duo credit for one thing. . .he's very persuasive for talking Wu Fei into doing something like that."

"Maybe he caught him sleeping and ambushed him before he woke up."

"I don't know, Wu Fei looked quite content with being in bondage. . .but don't say anything in front of him. He's sort of touchy about being caught."

"I'm still having problems visualizing that."

"Trust me, it's something someone can go without seeing."

"Maybe. . ." He leaned over and kissed my bottom lip. "But the ideal of bondage is appealing." Appealing, yes. Possible, no. Heero was too much of a control freak to allow himself to fall into a completely helpless position. I tried it before with Quatre, and nearly had a nervous breakdown. I pulled him close and kissed him deeply. A quick knock came from the door and a second later, Tasha entered.

"Hey, Wu. . ." She stopped dead in her tracks as she noticed Heero on top of me. Her face turned beat red as she thought she was interrupting something. "I'm terribly sorry." She whispered and stepped back into the hall way, closing the door behind her.

~ * ~

Chapter 14
Back to Emerald Pillows fic's
Back to Gundam Wing Authors Index